


Never Enough

by Lyricanna



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Amnesia, Garon is always going to be a horrrible father in my mind, Gen, Leo sticking up for what he believes in, Memory Loss, Pre-Canon, Xander trying to do his best as a brother, mild child abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 18:58:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19797022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyricanna/pseuds/Lyricanna
Summary: Corrin has amnesia, but it's never explained why.  So here's one interpretation of the situation.





	Never Enough

**Author's Note:**

> "It was never enough that I gave to you all of the horror that you put me through." From Epica's song, Never Enough.
> 
> Pre-Canon by a couple of years.

Xander opened his eyes again as the sounds of struggle faded from the other room. He hated this, didn't even think it was necessary and his siblings agreed. Camilla had already learned to pick her battles; however Leo was still very emotional when it came to Corrin. And Xander hadn't had time to dissuade him from the argument he was picking. All he could do was listen and intervene when necessary.

“She's harmless to us,” Leo was saying to their father. “You claimed her as your child but you refuse to treat her that way! Doing this to her every time she gets close to the truth is only going to make her angrier if she finds out! If you want to send her running to betray us, this is a great start!”

Garon stared his youngest surviving son down. “This is to keep her from finding out,” he replied, his patience obviously worn thin. “And there will be no more visits here; removing her from the Northern fortress was a mistake. She will resume her exile there in the morning.” The king moved to the door, dismissal clear in his voice.

Xander moved to put a hand on Leo's shoulder but his brother was still riding his temper. “She's loyal to us father, and even if she did remember, she would still choose us if you gave her the chance.” Leo was just behind their father now and before Xander could intervene, Garon turned to strike Leo.

“How dare you speak to me with such insolence. I will not be questioned or undermined,” Garon yelled as his hand connected with Leo's face. Xander caught his brother before he hit the floor. “You shall not challenge me in such a way again or you will not see tomorrow. I am king!”

Leo stubbornly pulled out of Xander's grasp and stood. Garon's eyes were on Xander now.

“You will be a weak king if you cannot stand to watch others receive just punishment,” he sneered.

Xander simply nodded; there was never an answer to that that satisfied his father. He was becoming numb to the observances of all the ways he was lacking. He could do nothing more than try to be stronger, more confident and demonstrate his loyalty as best as he knew how.

“Send him to Iago,” Garon continued. “The sorcerer should be able to remind him of his place.”

“After everything he has had to deal with this afternoon, Iago might be too tired to deal with Leo properly,” Xander ventured. He hated how hesitant he sounded but he hated the idea of Leo being tortured by the court sorcerer even more. There would be no marks, no evidence of any pain, of his 'lessons', but Leo would be quieter, the light in his eyes further dimmed. He would jump to prove his obedience to their father, which was what Garon wanted. Obedient children that were weapons to wield, with no disregard for right or wrong, just Nohr's power.

“He will do his duty. He has not failed in that,” Garon snarled. He waited for his older son to nod and left the room. Xander silently counted to thirty before turning to Leo.

“Is anything broken?” he asked. His brother's face was red and swelling, his cheek bleeding from their father's gauntlet.

“No,” Leo replied sullenly. “You could have helped, you could have...” his voice trailed off as he took a shuddering breath. He was trying not to cry and Xander gave him the space and silence he needed to compose himself.

“He has made himself painfully clear on the topic of Corrin's memories many times over the years,” Xander said once Leo was composed. “He will have her memories erased every time they start to come back, no matter the damage it could do to her. His stance on traitors is clear. He sees this as a favour to her, to avoid any mixed loyalties to develop.” It was hard to keep the scorn out of his voice as he said that and he wasn't sure he succeeded.

“Even if she hated him for it, she would still love us.”

“I know,” Xander replied. He suppressed the urge to pull Leo into a hug; he had told his brother that he was too old for that often enough.

“One day this will happen and she'll wake up not remembering us either. Memory erasure is not a precise magic.”

 _Or she'll keep the strange memories to herself_ , Xander thought. That was what scared him; Corrin remembering where she was from, who her birth family was and not wanting to trouble anyone. Not telling anyone. Eventually remembering enough to leave them without a word. The idea of her abandoning them without warning, never to be found or worse to be found in the Hoshidan army was more painful than he wanted to admit. Being assigned to kill her. That work him in the middle of the night more often than memories of beatings at his father's hands, of other siblings dead, dying or being executed by his own hands.

Before Xander could respond, the door opened and Camilla slipped in. She took in Leo's appearance and gathered him into a hug before he could protest. She only held him for a moment before turning to Xander.

“She's waking up.”

“Is she alright? Any injuries?”

“No, she's fine. But you know how she'll be.”

Xander nodded. “I'll take the first watch.”

“Do you want the second, baby brother?”

“I have an appointment with Iago,” Leo replied evenly. Xander envied how quickly Leo could get himself under control, how cool and composed his voice could be.

Something in Camilla's expression softened but she didn't say anything. What was there to say? They couldn't protect him forever.

Leo gave a polite nod to both of his siblings and left the room.

“How bad was it?” Xander asked quietly.

“She doesn't have much of an aptitude for magic, but she's building up her resistance without even knowing it. It took three guards to hold her down this time.” The mix of tenderness, sadness and pride in Camilla's voice made Xander's throat tighten. His sisters were so strong. And he felt so helpless.

“I'll go see her.” Xander walked to the door and Camilla gave his arm a squeeze as he passed. She knew. She understood.

He walked past the guards and into the room next to the one he had been in. He closed the door quietly behind him and stopped to let his eyes adjust to the light provided by a solitary candle in the room. His eyes found Corrin quickly, sitting in bed, leaning on the wall. She was curled up, crying silently. She always was after.

Xander walked across the room and pulled a chair next to the bed. Corrin glanced up at the noise and her unfocused eyes searched the room before settling on him.

“My head hurts so much big brother,” she said through her tears. “And it's so hard to remember anything. Where am I?”

“You're at Castle Krakenburg, in a room in the recovery wing,” he replied gently.

“Did I fall from my horse? We went riding together didn't we?” she asked, the desperation in her voice piercing his heart.

“Yes little princess, but you're fine now,” he lied. He couldn't do anything else. He simply hoped that she would forgive him one day.

“It all hurts so much, it even hurts to think and I'm so scared,” she sobbed. “You'll stay with me right?”

“Yes.”

“Can you hold me, like when I was little?” she asked after a moment. She never seemed to forget that he had comforted her through every hardship when she was small. A bittersweet victory, when she wouldn't remember so much else.

“For a little while,” he said and sat on the bed next to her. She moved next to him and he tucked his arm around her and held her while she cried for all the things she couldn't remember.

**Author's Note:**

> As those of you that follow me on Twitter know, I have been in the hospital since the day after Anime North ended (the end of May). I have been receiving Electroconvulsive Shock Therapy for my treatment resistant depression. Memory loss is a common side effect and while I don't remember most of June and my short term memory is having problems transferring the day to day stuff into long term memory (retrograde amnesia), it could be worse. I have met patients who forgot years of their lives, their family, their wedding, the birth of their children. It's hard.
> 
> I've always had the impression that Corrin's memories were being erased while she was in Nohr. The opening video in Fates and the responses of Jakob, Felecia and Flora always gave me the impression of "shit she's remembering her past again, let's try to get her to hush up about it so that she doesn't end up getting into trouble again." I imagined that there was some mix of dark magic and thunder magic being used as a fantasy sort of memory erasure but until now I haven't felt like I could capture that accurately. The pain of the people around you as they worry that you might forget them, the horror of being told you did something and there's just nothing in your memory about it, file deleted gone. And the frustration that brings you to tears. 
> 
> Writing this is helping me deal with that. So I am thankful for everyone's patience with my frequent absences and hiatuses on fics. Thank you for reading.


End file.
